I’ve decided to launch annadeshawn.com by sharing the story of my breast reduction surgery. I’ve titled it “Owning My Own Joy”. This isn’t something folks just go around talking about but I shared it for the first time at Sidetrack’s OUTspoken and since then I’ve shared it two additional times and it’s touched a lot of people. People have told me they can relate and its really hit home. So I figured why not launch my site being a little vulnerable, really honest, and really transparent. What you’re going to hear is the actual audio from when I shared this story live at Fillet of Solo 2019 while representing Sidetrack’s OUTspoken. It was an amazing experience to tell this story from memory and with all the emotions it brought. So, here’s my story of the time I decided to have breast reduction surgery. If you enjoy it please leave a comment, share it, and visit annadeshawn.com often because #AnnasGotAWord. peace.​

p.s. I’ve given you a few of options. You can watch the actual video from Fillet of Solo 2019, you can listen to the audio below on Soundcloud, or you can do both. Do whatever feels good.

I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl. I was with or around him for the majority of my childhood. My mother was always there loving on us, taking care of us, keeping things organized, but she worked really far outside the city so I ended up spending a lot of time with my dad. That meant sports. Sports and education are at the center of my dad’s existence so they became the center of mine.

I grew up a gym rat and I loved it. Not only did I love sports but I was really good at them. At my grammar school you could try out for the basketball team when you entered 6th grade and so I did. I didn’t care that it was a boys team either. I just wanted to play. Of course I made the team because I told you all I was good but something unexpected happened when I turned 11.

All of sudden things started to grow. Especially these two. Puberty had officially hit. It made my clothes fit different and they gave me unsolicited attention from boys especially at school. My most dreaded time of the day was gym. Go figure for the gym rat. And it wasn’t just gym but the jumping jacks we had to do. 1 (clap), 2 (clap), 3 (clap)… hold your chest 4 (clap), I wish they would stop starring 5 (clap). Gym was the worst and I quickly realized there were never enough sports bras.

Never. And let’s be clear, there is a method. There has to be a method. I would go tight, then the slightly looser one, then the tightest one. Yes 3 levels of protection. It was needed and still didn’t keep them in place.

As I grew up my disdain for my breasts grew. I just didn’t like them. They didn’t fit me. Like why God did you give these to me when all the ladies I know who really want them don’t have them 😂😂 they would always say , oh Anna you can give them to me. And I’d reply, you can take them. Just let me know when.As I got older I would wear sports bras to try and keep them flat. Then I got a hold of the best spandex undershirts that would keep my breasts extra flat. They aren’t that comfortable at all but you get over it for the greater good. The greater good of looking & feeling good in the world.

Well after years of wearing these uncomfortable spandex undershirt and saying I wanted a breast reduction, at 32 I decided I had waited long enough. That it was time to make this happen. When I told my mother of my plans the first thing she said was, “well you never really liked them anyway” I couldn’t do anything but laugh because she was right. Mothers always know.

Then the question was, do you want to be a boy? The transition question was always the next question. Quite a few people around me had transitioned, were in the midst of transitioning, or seriously thinking about it. It’s trending. And there were times I considered it. I had a packing phase. It’s interesting how we are conditioned to associate packing with power. I did feel some level of that but it didn’t resonate with me.

At the time my mother asked this question, “do you want to be a boy” I was clear that transitioning was not what I needed to feel whole. Through community, conversations, my own reflections I came to know that I wasn’t in the wrong body. I didn’t have a desire to be a man rather I needed my chest to reflect the woman I am. And the woman that I am knew that these two things had to go.

My BFF recommended I go see Dr. Alison Shore & she changed my life. When I had my first consultation with Dr. Shore she asked me what size I wanted to go down too I said small like really small. She said softball size small … I said no smaller. Tennis ball size small, no smaller then tennis balls. Golf ball size small, yes golf balls.

Then.
Surgery happened. Very high. Short. Sweet.
Then the pain happened. Long recovery.
Then the tears happened. Can’t bathe myself. Can’t move much.
Then the healing happened. Creams that help the scars. Throwing away those spandex undershirts. Putting on a button up shirt, looking in the mirror, and really smiling. 10lbs, gone.

My wife. My family. My friends. They were all there and I needed all of them.Finding the solution that was best for me took time. I’m grateful I had the time. I’m grateful that I decided to own my body and I challenge you to do the same.

I believe we get one physical chance at this thing called life and you really should make it a point to live your best life. Own your own joy. Period.​